scratch that

So you remember the amazing "Boyfriend" yeah he is a fake ok so hes real but no my boyfriend and truly not amazing....Why do i always pick jerks i dont understand :( all i want is a lasting true relationship that doesnt end cause i wouldnt do something. Im tired of all these sick games trying to make me do things that ireally dont wanna do. I think they should stop now. Ok? Thank you. 8 months till i leave 6 more till high school is over forever and a few more months till softball.Im so done with being the fat girl if not out loud in my head. i hate it I feel huge all the time even though I know I'm not..... It sucks I just want it to go away......but it cant..... i will not be the fat girl in college i refuse to be....... this summer im loosing all the weight i can and thats final....... humpth guys are butt heads plan and simple too bad i love them....

stanger in the homeland

Ever feel like you don't belong in your own town, the place you grew up? It so doesn't make since but somethings missing and its not here. Its all the way on the otherside of the us or farther. This doesnt make since why did i grow up here? If at the moment i turn 18 I move across the us? Its so confusing. Are people here shapping me into the girl my love wants over there. Am i supposed to feel different? An outcast? Will that play into my life at Spring Arbor? Will i miss my life here, my friends? Or will i love it there? Will i be an out cast there as well? Or finally find the place where i belong? all these are racing around my head like crazy. In all this finishing high school is a must. summer is again undecided. and love is ever move confusing.....where will my life go i have no idea...... only God does......trust..is a must....biggest fear confirmed.... : /

ever feel totaly lost in your own town

i cant wait to leave still have a few more thousand months though. i have an amazing "boyfriend" i guess kinda not really. im so out of life here im done with it i cant even pretend i like it anymore........... i just wanna start over in a new town with new people, form new relationships and ditch this michaela to form the real one. im so scared to even move here i wanna die here its too constrcting i hate it, sure michigan will probably be the same but i wont have my rep. i just wanna move now. :( count down 243 days till im out of this place its not soon enough.... :(